Minecraft...gateway to socializing

Chances are if you have been around kids between the age of 7 and 12, then you have heard them talking about minecraft.   Creepers, zombies, pigs, and some guy named Steve seem to be the talk of the town for the under 5ft crowd.   I'm actually pretty sure that other age groups are talking about it as well but that happens to be the crew I run with, or rather drive around in my car.
 

What is this crazy talk about?  It's a game that is kinda like legos in that you can build anything you want, but it's also an adventure game.  You know exactly what to expect, and it sucks you into it's world and out of your own confusing real world.   It's addicting for sure.  Escaping from reality to a place that you pretty much build to your liking.   

Because of the known addiction factor I know some parents who won't allow there children to play it at all.  Perhaps they see it as a waste of time, or an anti-social behavior.   Those of you who know me personally also know that I limit screen time like a card carrying hippie (not that a hippie would carry a card, but anyway.)  I'm very pro art projects, reading, and imagination.   However, this is a game that I can get behind.   

I have a tween who until recently wasn't too into communicating with others.  That is not until this little thing called an Ipod touch entered her hands.  Now she is instant messaging kids from school, posting videos that she makes and emailing up a storm.  This virtual world is an easier way of communicating for people on the spectrum because there is no eye contact, confusing body language, or constant need for back and forth communication.  They have time to think, form there sentences, make sure there is perfection in the words, and then press send.  If you don't want to email or text back right away, you don't have to.  The communication is under your control and can be put on the shelf whenever you want. 

I met my husband on the internet, he introduced himself with an email and then we would " hang out" in a chat room for hours at a time.  He was a wonderful company, funny and clever and full of dreams and imagination.  I looked forward to our chats everyday and after "talking" to him like that for several weeks we talked on the phone.  It was very confusing.  I was certain that he was not interested in me at all.  He seemed distracted, bored, and very distant.  I started questioning everything that I had thought before and when the call ended I was almost certain that he would never talk to me again.   Then, he came into the chat room again the next day and all was normal.  I was perplexed.   11 years of marriage later and several books on aspergers read (I recommend Alone Together if you have an aspie spouse)  and I now know why our phone call went so badly.  I thank God that there was an internet or I'm not sure how we would have got to know each other.  Also, he lived several states away so really, the internet was pretty invaluable.   The window to our getaway car after our wedding actually said "Thank God for the internet" courtesy of the groomsmen.  

So it seems like I trailed off and forgot all about minecraft, but I haven't.  The face to face communicating for aspie kids (or adults)  is tricky business.   You have to plan it out and follow lots of unwritten social rules. It's a very tiring experience.   However, when you are talking about your very favorite thing ( currently MINECRAFT) you have no trouble at all knowing what to say.  You share tips, tell about adventures, discuss things you built and how to build them. It's not just the aspie kids who are playing either, that is the beauty of the game.  It's not like you need to be labeled a Star Trek nerd, or know about some unique type of anime that is in Japanese subtitles.  It's popular with all the kids and so it gives the aspie kids a gateway into conversations with kids that normally would have nothing in common with them.    The aspie kid can talk to the neurotypical kid for long amounts of time and nobody gets overwhelmed or bored.  They are both genuinely interested not only in what they are saying but what the other person has to say as well.   I know once the games popularity dwindles so may the friendship but the experience of communicating together will last and who knows maybe they will magically drift off the topic of mindcraft and discover other things they have in common. 

This past week my daughter went to a day camp with the theme being Minecraft.  They played the game together (teamwork), and played other games like hide and seek or tag but with a Minecraft twist.  She had a blast but the other thing that happened was that she started getting phone calls from the other kids in the camp and requests for playdates, to no doubt talk about and play the game.    If you have a neurotypical (non-aspie) tween girl then the phone call and playdate request are most likely not a big deal.  You may wish your tween would get off the phone but it's a rare thing in my house so I am excited about it.

Don't wait for Ellen

Sadness is pretty much everywhere if you look for it, and even when you aren't looking it creeps up.  We had two pets die in past week.  Peeps was our favorite hen and she passed away on Friday and then last night we lost a goldfish.   I am sure that each of you have sadness in your life as well, and I'm not suggesting that we cover it up or try to pretend it's not there.  It's important to acknowledge it, let it have it's time but we can't stay there in it for too long. After it's had it's moment we need some cheer.  

I used to watch Ellen all the time, that woman is amazing at bringing on the cheer.  She surprises people with love and gifts and really makes life a party.  I'm not really a watcher of Oprah but I know she does the same type of thing.  Changing lives by simple acts of bringing cheer to people when they least expect it.  When they are deep in the sadness.   When I was pregnant with my son I had a severe case of morning sickness (I wish I would have known then about catnip tea.)  I watched a lot of TV, and a whole lot of Ellen.  My daughter, two and half at the time watched it with me. She would  set up her little chairs in our living room with stuffed animals and pretend to interview them.  The day LL Cool J was on she pretended to interview LLMNOP.  So cute!  She also pretended to be Michael from the office running a staff meeting.   Michael is a spreader of cheer as well! Awkward cheer, but still it is cheer.

So, what should we do when faced with a world of confusing sadness?  When things happen in our lives that we don't understand, or maybe they happen to our friends, or to people we hear about on the other side of the country or the world?  I say, we step up and be Ellen, Oprah, or even Michael Scott if you're a bit awkward.  All it takes is a need and an idea and you have got yourself a potential cheer explosion.

Now this next part I want to be clear is not a brag, it's more of an example of just how easy it can be to spread some cheer.  There is a beautiful family that goes to my church.  The mama of this family is in my bible study and let me tell you they are wonderful.
Not long ago they had been planning their first ever family vacation to Disneyland.  Then my friend discovered that there was new technology and a new therapy in Utah that could possibly allow communication with her son.  Now, Disneyland is special but obviously this was a lot bigger than Disney. The family decided to take the savings and instead use it on the therapy.  
Of course there is joy in a new tool for their son, but I know there was also sadness in having to cancel that trip.

We can't get rid of  all the sadness or stop every situation from happening, but this one seemed like maybe something could be done.   As I heard my friends story I felt led to do something, another friend of mine felt the same way.  She emailed Ellen and encouraged others to do so too.  I emailed Monkee See Monkee Do over at Momastery.  It didn't stop there though, because I know that Ellen and MSMD both have hands and inboxs that are no doubt overflowing.  This seemed like something that we could do.  The truth is that people are full of love, and people love spreading cheer.  Lots of them are just waiting for an invitation.  That is really all it took to turn a cancelled vacation into one that is happening later this month.
A couple announcements at church about the family and the fundraiser idea, a few emails, and a lot of love.
I'm happy to say that not only did my friend and I make this happen, it was actually easy to do.  Meaning, you can make things happen.  Anyone can make things happen and very simply change someones life and spread some cheer .  Everybody can be Ellen!  or Oprah! or Glennon or Choose Your Fav Philanthropist.
You don't have to be a super influential millionaire.  You just have to have an idea and the guts to put it into action.    I want to add that after we finished our fundraiser MSMD contacted me and they were so happy about what we did that they decided to chip in a Visa gift card as a bonus for their journey.   Wow!

I heard a story on NPR yesterday that actually lead me to write this blog post.  A regular woman in South Dakota was inspired by Oprah and thought she could probably do something to help too.  Through her one idea they now have a program for veterans where they can take a vacation with their family to a beautiful cabin in Black Hills, S.D. for free. When the guests arrive they don't have to spend a dime other than transportation costs. They are given coupons for free activities in the town.  The land was donated by the city, the leather furniture was donated by a couple who heard about the program and called her up, the blinds were donated by a family who lost their son in the war.  People came out of the woodwork and stepped up to help and add to her vision.  She just had to speak up, say "I have an idea..."   It can be scary to speak up, but it can do so much good.   You can listen to the story here, it's awesome.

I once heard the wise advice that if you are going to start a revolution you need one enthusiastic person and one very organized person.  If you have two enthusiastic people they will get really excited but never get anything done.  If you have two organized people they will have everything well planned but never pull the trigger on bringing it to action.   One of each and you get things going, organize them well, and set them into motion.  If you don't have a partner please don't let that stop you.  I think you can still do it and maybe a partner will step up along the way.  My friend who worked on the vacation surprise with me  was very organized.  I have maybe 1% of organizational skills in me.  I needed a partner and I'm thankful she was there.

So, what do you think...ready to spread some cheer?  It doesn't have to be a huge vacation, maybe you just want to hand somebody a candy bar when they are having a bad day.   Don't think about it too hard, most likely the idea will come to you.  It's up to you to listen and go with it.  

Bicycles and Swimming Pools

I live in a city that bikes. We have bike lanes, bike paths, and more bike stores than I can count.   Kids learn to ride almost as soon as they can stand up.  Families go on bike rides to the store, around the town, or by the river.  There are recumbent bikes where the rider sits back in a chair sort of thing, double tall bikes, unicycle riders (I am not kidding.)   It's like a bike circus out there on the streets of our town.  I am happy to say that my children can finally join the circus.

 I now have two bicycle riding kids in my house and while this may not seem like a big deal, or maybe it's coming across as braggy... I'm just really happy.  See, for the average kid who isn't dealing with sensory processing stuff and an awkward body that won't do what you want, riding a bike isn't a big deal.  You can maybe even master it when you are five.   For my kids it's a huge deal and I actually wondered several times over the past years if our family would ever be able to go on a bike ride together.  Maybe if we lived somewhere else it wouldn't be a big deal but there was always a peddling toddler whizzing by me at the park to remind me of what my kids were missing out on.  The fun of that foot powered machine and the breeze zipping across your face.  

When I was a kid I loved my bike.  I would ride it back and forth in a huge field in upstate NY and do tricks.  I watched PeeWees Big Adventure way too many times and made my parents call me PeeWeece when I would ride my bike.  NO HANDS! STANDING UP! ONE LEG OUT!   I was pretty awesome (super dorky.)  The point is, that bike brought me joy.  I lived far from other kids but I could spend my day happily speeding along without need of friends because I had my wheels.   It's kind of sad to me that kids who are socially awkward have to be bicycle awkward too.  I know they have lots of other things that bring them joy but I am happy that now my kids have bikes too.  

I taught them using a method I saw on YouTube that I would like to share.  It's very repetitive and although my girl went through every step (last year) my son this year would skip ahead on his own and I let him.  They know how many times they need to do each step so let them break the "rule" if they want.

Our next hope is for swimming... if anyone has tips for that please share.  We have tried lessons many times and almost had it but an incident happened and confidence was lost.   My plan is to hang out at the pool a lot and build that back up but I would be happy to hear if anything worked for you or your child.  

I'm hunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngry

What if a mother decided  not to buy any processed snack food for the entire summer?  Would there be a riot? Would the children starve? Would the kids run around licking trashed Dorito bags from the dumpster? That is exactly what I did and what I am going to discover the answer to by September.

I had this thought, I live in Oregon, the best place on earth for getting fresh fruit and berries and veggies all summer long.  Why in the world am I feeding my kids processed carbs all day long?   I buy the organic "healthy" snacks.  However sugar and flour is still sugar and flour even if it's organic fair trade.

Next came my crazy idea, what if I just didn't buy it?  So I presented it to my husband and he also thought it was a good idea.  So now, this is what our pantry and kitchen has for snacks:
 (keep in mind we have been doing this for two weeks, we shall see if we make it till summer. I am hopeful.)

Every week we will go to the farm to pick out fruit and berries. I will also buy veggies and hope that the kids are starving enough to want them.  We will gather what we can from the land and our yard.

If we feel like it's time for a treat we will make it ourselves.  Today the kids helped me bake sandwich bread (with the bread machine) and donuts.  Did you know there is such thing as a donut pan?  I do now! Yumm.

If we need a non fruit/veggie snack we will make popcorn or have sunflower seeds or nuts.

Somehow we still have to get corn chips for Husbands salsa because he thought it absurd that he give that up.   I suggested he make them.... he looked at me like I'm crazy.   It's true, I am.

Countdown to Summer!

 Some parents are dreading the upcoming day when the school will no longer take their children from 8:30-2:45 each weekday.  They wake in a sweat at the impending doom of boredom and chaos. After that last bell rings it will begin. For weeks on end the children will tear through the house trashing it like little bandits and then demanding that you help them find their prized toy in the rubble.

    Call me crazy but I am looking forward to it.   It could be partly because each day my son moans and groans and protests the schools required attendance.  It could be because I dislike driving and my daily trek takes me 20 minutes across town each way.  Mostly though, it's because I love boredom and chaos.  It's the place where inventions are made, joy is found, and  people grow.

Without schedules and time we tend to squirm and get nervous. (Well, not me...but most people)   Next thing you know the kids are saying the B word (b as in bored, hopefully not the other one) and while it may make you want to scream, especially when it comes after "Mooooooooooooooom I'm sooooooo..."  I like to reply, "That is fantastic!"  People think of wonderful things when they are bored.  It means you have nothing stopping you from dreaming, no time line, no racing off to the next activity.  You can just sit, and think, and imagine!  It's really the best thing for a kid.   Now, they still groan and look at me like I have three heads when I say "fantastic," but when I walk away I usually find them engaged in something by the time I'm back in the room.
If I get several of the "I'm bored" comments then I start listing off housework.  That gets rid of them pretty fast!

This summer my plan is to not have a plan.  My kids do like schedules and I'm going to suggest they make their own schedule if comforts them to do so.  I'm just gonna roll with it.  My daughter is taking two short camps through our local ASD support place but other than that it's all water fights and deep sea adventures on the hammock at my house.  Blissful chaos!

Personally I hope to get a bit of reading in and drink a lot of iced coffee.  Iced coffee and reading really is the best thing to do for the summer.  Theme parks and long vacations are way overrated.  Plus, that was last summer... this one is the summer of boredom and I can't wait!

Be Still

"Be still and know..."  I can know, I do know.  I believe with my entire everything that God is God and He is in charge.  However, being still is really very difficult and the longer that I must do it the harder that it becomes.
I live in a society that is go go go! do do do!  It's only alright to be still in yoga for 45 minutes, three days a week and then it's time to multitask again.  Being still doesn't come natural to me anymore.
When I was a child I was fantastic at being still.  I mean, maybe I wiggled around a bit but I remember that my favorite place on earth was just sitting on a gigantic moss covered boulder and simply being still.  I didn't worry, I never tried to figure out plans or life or even what to do next.  I just sat there and enjoyed sitting.
Now I am a grownup and I feel an obligation to worry and plan and make things happen but I am pretty sure that I've got it all wrong and I was way better off sitting on my rock.

 "Then he said, "I tell all of you with certainty, unless you change and become like little children, you will never get into the kingdom from heaven." Matt 18:3

See, I had it all right to begin with and now I've gone and tried to be in charge of things and driven myself to having shoulders up to my ears and spending hours on the internet looking at cities and schools and houses for a move to somewhere that may never even happen.  It was set up to be so easy.  Let go and let God.   I see that little saying and I know that is what I want to do.  Then I go to my browser and open up craigslist house ads and obsess.  What is that drive in us to make things happen?  Sometimes even trying to force things to happen.  I also used to spend hours on adoption websites looking at children and imagining them fitting into my family.  I would get very emotional and stressed from this as well.  So badly wanting to make things happen but having it out of my control to do so.  (Husband isn't ready for our family to grow yet.)

My husband will be ending his work contract this week and I'm not fearing running out of money or becoming homeless.  I know God will provide something or if we run out of money and a home then we will have a new experience and learn something amazing. I love homeless people, maybe God wants me to love them even more?   Fear isn't driving me to search wildly on the internet for answers.  So what is it?  Why do I search?  I also search the pages of my bible and sometimes I get clarity but mostly I just get my mind off the situation.   Maybe that right there is the answer.  Don't think about it.  Be still.  A still mind that waits for something to move it instead of vibrating all around hoping something  will react to my vibrations and erupt into an answer.  I don't have conclusions, maybe that is the point of this post.  I'm simply acknowledging that I need to be still.  It won't be easy, but perhaps I can seek out a mossy boulder to rest on for awhile while I wait.   

Play in the street

Yesterday it was beautiful.  The sun was shining (winter in Oregon/rarity) and the flowers were popping up.  The weeds were popping up too and last summer I did an overhaul to take back the front yard.  I knew this was the time for waging war on the grass creeping in to my herb garden.

My children were also inspired by the presence of sunshine and dusted off bike helmets, scooters and bicycles. " Mom, can we go for a ride? Come on mom lets go".  But the yard was waiting, and the time of sun was fleeting.  Childhood is fleeting I told myself and started to take off my garden gloves and come along.  Something stopped me.  Maybe it was a distant memory of roaming my grandparents subdivision as a child.  That faint recollection of the thrill of independence and adventure.

"You can go without me"

I almost couldn't believe I said it, but at the same time I knew it was right.
My ever cautious daughter was certain I was kidding and it actually took some convincing that she and her brother would be just fine without me.  (My insides squirmed as I offered encouraging words to let her know they were ready and it would be ok.)  The truth is, I didn't know they would be ok. I don't know if my mother worried about me in the same way that I did yesterday.  Media has this whole "the world is dangerous, don't blink near your kids or they will be snatched or murdered" thing going so strong that even when I don't believe it, in the back of my head I totally believe it.  At the same time I know that this is good for kids, this taste of independence, this taste of trust. It builds them up.  Maybe they have to problem solve a bit without me, but that is what I want right?

It also wasn't as if I let them go wherever they wanted to, not yet, I am still not letting go too far.  I walked down the side street next to our home.  I went over the parameters they were free to roam, instructions on if someone gets hurt, and I was in the front yard.  If somebody yelled I would have heard it.
Then I went back and weeded, and worried,I prayed for protection and that I wasn't being an idiot by telling them to go.  I was also angry that I was worried.  I was worried what other parents would think of me.  I was worried that I made a horrible mistake and they would be hit by a car. (Sunday afternoon, families playing ball in the street, side street.)  

I grew up playing in the forest full of freedom, visiting my grandparents and being gone for hours.  Does anyone do that anymore?  Do all the children just stay tethered to parents and home?   These are questions that bounce in my brain.
 The biggest of my questions is, will I always have that whisper of worry and fear every time I let them out of adult supervision?  This is one I will be exploring and I will let you know how it turns out because even though it scares me I know it's so valuable for my kids.