So you CAN learn from Television

Last Fall I began my guilty pleasure of watching some shows on Hulu.  We don't have cable, but I find watching them on my own time via the computer to be much more convenient anyway.   I was watching the usual things for me, Desperate Housewives, The Office, and then a couple new shows. Modern Family for hilarious laughs, and Parenthood
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Now, I have to go back in time for a moment with this post.  When I was pregnant with my daughter I fell in love with a beautiful satin bassinet that I was obsessed with.  I imagined putting her in it, my first baby, my little girl laying there looking beautiful.   My Mother lovingly gave me as a gift. 
Years later we were living in L.A. in a tiny apartment with no storage, my son had been born, briefly spent a time in it, and quickly outgrew it.   We planned to have no more babies so I put it on Craigslist.  The bassinet ended up being purchased by a Stage Prop Designer who said that it would be used for a Pilot and eventually put into the Universal Studio warehouse to be rented by anyone in Hollywood.  He said, if you ever see one on a TV show or movie that looks like it, chances are it is it.    

OK fast forward ... I am Watching the Parenthood, and  in the beginning of the show each week is a baby in my daughters bassinet. (At least it looks JUST like it, and I think it is.)  I hadn't seen it show up in anything before and so  I decided to watch it again the next week, and I kept watching again and again but no longer for that reason... it was a great show.

  Parenthood features a boy around age 10 who has Asperger's.  I had no idea what that was, other than something to do with Autism and I thought a friend of mine who's son I was suspicious of might learn a few things.  Yep, I posted a link to the show to facebook thinking SHE needs to watch this show.

About a month later I went to a pumpkin patch with my family and my mom came along.   We did a wagon ride, picked a pumpkin, and then let the kids play in the hay.   My husband and I carefully watching our daughter for signs of over-stimulation. She can only last so long during outings before things begin to unravel and for everyone's sanity we have gotten good looking out for this.  My husband and I were talking, plotting our exit at the first sign of melt down.  My mom overhearing us said something like, "You remind me of the parents of that boy on Parenthood."
My mom had started watching the show because I had told her about it a few times, about how the bassinet she bought for us was in the show, and before long she was hooked.

My reply was something defensive and totally clueless. I believe it may have been "What are you saying, She has Aspergers!!!???"  The thought stuck with me though, and the more I watched episodes, the more I realized how much my daughter was reflected in this character.  The character, Max has a more severe case, and also Asperger's presents a bit differently with boys.  They tend to be more violent, where my daughter would draw up plans for the demise of her taunters silently. The similarities were there though, enough to make me take start talking to a psychologist, and eventually her pediatrician. 

Months later, after doctors, psychologist, and lots of reading it became very clear that my daughter did indeed have Asperger's Syndrome. We haven't taken her in for the full medical evaluation with the team of a billion people but every professional I have spoke with is in agreement. 
The realization was overwhelming at first, and then it was a relief.  I now knew what type of books to read to help with issues that other parents just were not having.  I also could let go of this idea I had for her.  That part is hard, I kept thinking that as she got older she would somehow grow into a chatty little lady that would want to hang out with me.  From the age of 2 she would ask me to leave her alone so she could play by herself.  I expected that at age 16, but not from the time she could speak.  Now it makes so much sense to me.   I am letting that go of the expectations that I had for her, as hard as it is.  I still get sad when I see other kids interacting in the neurotypical way but through the books on Asperger's I am learning ways to communicate with her that she does respond to. 

My daughter is amazing though, she notices things nobody else sees, she tells jokes that nobody else would think of, and when she lets me into her world I am always entertained and awed.   Now I watch parenthood and laugh, sometimes cry, but mostly feel less alone.  This is my normal and though I have been living it for eight years it's just sinking in that it's here to stay.

I realize now that even when she was growing inside of me this was planned.  She has always been meant to be exactly the way that she is and I have been guided to understand her better.  Through the bassinet that I fell in love with, my mom purchasing it, selling it to the set designer, and finding the tv show, it was all lined up for our family to make a discovery that would help us.  Not just my daughter but also my husband and his family.  So many things are unfolding because of this discovery.  

I honestly do not think anyone would have made this connection. Asperger's in girls goes undiagnosed all the time.  They are not as "in your face" to outsiders as boys are.  My daughter has had so many troubles with anxiety, transition, friends, empathy.  Before the discovery I always felt lost and helpless, the parenting books I read were no help, the methods would backfire.  Now I have books that speak to me on my child, now she is part of a social skills group for children on the autism spectrum.  We have help, we have guidance, and it isn't so overwhelming anymore. 

^"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"  Jeremiah 29:11