What if all the instincts and impulses that you had inside of you were considered socially unacceptable. Now imagine that your mind and body didn't yet have enough self control to stop you from doing them. Your neurotransmitters just couldn't send things fast enough to tell yourself to stop. Everywhere you went people would tell you that you were doing it wrong. " Nope, not that way." "Oh careful, not that." "SLOW DOWN!" "Oooh you messed up AGAIN!"
How long would it be until you broke. How many times could you hear your name in THAT tone of voice that says "you screwed up!" before you either stopped caring or just lost your joy all together? I fear for my little guy that we are dangerously close to this place, if not already arriving. I have been witnessing the joy dwindle from him, first in small amounts, and now in a way that seems at times like despair has set in.
Last week I talked with his teacher (who is amazing and wonderfully gentle in his corrections.) I got advice from the school counselor after having her meet with him (because when your son no longer wants to play with his Legos, you take it serious.) Things that were suggested included a light box since we live in the northwest and the sun doesn't like to be around this time of year. Maybe a session or two with a play therapist? It was suggested that maybe this was a stage and it would blow over. I hoped for the latter, and we turned on our Happy Light at breakfast time for a few days. Then I did some thinking and I tried to put myself in his shoes. That is what the first paragraph was all about. Constantly doing the wrong thing, not planning to do the wrong thing, not wanting to do the wrong thing. (this kid sits and draws during choice time so he won't unknowingly do the wrong thing and get into trouble.) It has to be crushing for him and I think his new sullen attitude is a product of this.
I googled "play therapist" to see if we had one in the area. Then I thought about play. I got a random idea and this is what we are trying, and I think I am seeing results of a happier kid. Long term I am not sure this is going to work but I'm taking it a day at a time. The plan is: Short burst of one-on-one time with my son (husband is doing this with him too) where we have fun and no matter what he does, we don't correct him. It's a time when he can do no wrong, we just play and have fun. He wrestles me to the ground, or we play a board game, or whatever, but NOTHING he can do gets him a correction or even a scowl for the duration of that playtime. (My goal is 30 minutes) The rest of life goes on as it did before except that window of fun.
My hope is that those times will bring his joy back and we can keep working on ways he can help himself be successful at self control so that he won't have to hear as many corrections. He wants to follow the rules, that is obvious to me, but his little body and mind are just too full of Tigger to make it happen.
However, I kinda think that the hundred acre woods weren't as fun until Tigger moved in.
(perhaps we need to move to the woods and homeschool?)
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