Recently I chaperoned my daughters 5th grade overnight field trip. We hiked into a beautiful ancient forest and stayed off the grid in cabins surrounded by flowing water and 1,000 year old trees. I had been looking forward to the trip from the moment I got word of it because in the forest is where I feel most at home.
When we arrived we had to hike in about 3 miles, with backpacks, and 20 some children. About 10 minutes into the hike reality hit me, this might not be the most refreshing trip for me. Meltdowns began to happen, specifically with my child. See, being in a tiny car for two hours, packed in the back seat with two extremely chatty girls, well that got my girl overstimulated. I figured that once she was out of the car she could calm down with the nature setting. Nothing calms me down more than walking through the forest. However I soon discovered that if you notice every detail of every leaf, moss, mushroom, rock, dirt, and who knows what else... you can't turn it off. It's exhausting to be walking at a fast pace through this environment. There is so much more color and things to notice then our typical urban landscape. She tried strategies like only staring at the backpack of the person in front of us.. They didn't work, it was too much for her.
Now, everyone is carrying their backpack and so I had it in my mind that she MUST carry her backpack too, but about half way through the hike I thought, why? If this environment is so daunting on her senses, does she really need the physical stimulus of a backpack as well? I decided no, that I could carry the backpack and maybe we would even enjoy ourselves a little more the rest of the way. I was right, but one more thing. Tony Attwood taught me that when somebody is overloaded, and you can't leave the situation the best thing to do is talk to them about their special interest, or rather let them talk to you about it. So, I may have asked what the most interesting thing she learned from her Harry Potter secrets book was. Sure enough, distracted kid hiking at a good pace in record time.
We finally got to the cabin and it was loud but I as so proud of my girl. She found herself spaces that were more silent, she excused herself when needed, she took care of herself without my prompting. It was awesome! I'm glad she finally feels confident enough to advocate for herself and get what she needs. For so long I have been doing this because she had been to timid or unaware that others weren't also totally overloaded.
There was one magical moment for us when went on a night hike with the class. Walking into the forest with our flashlights and curiosity. After going for awhile our guide said, "now turn off the lights and look up." There was the amazing sky, it was glittering and full of dreams and beauty. I felt like I could get lost in it. My daughter came over and hugged me, and we just hugged and stared at the sky. Being that she is a sensory avoider, I don't get many hugs from her so this was a very special moment for us. For that moment she was just my daughter, she wasn't someone I needed to look out for. I wasn't on alert for signs of a meltdown. I wasn't assessing the situation for triggers. I was just holding my daughter and staring at the sky. This both made me extremely happy and also sad. How often am I in alert mode vs enjoying my daughter mode? She has proven that she can advocate for herself and I think it was a realization to me that I need to turn off alert mode a lot more and have her be just my 10 year old girl, not my sensitive girl. Awareness is fine, acceptance is great, but way less alert is a wonderful idea.
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