If you want to know how to get your child to sleep through the night you can buy maybe 10 different books on the topic and they all have totally different ideas on how to go about it. Potty training- same thing. If you have more than one kid then you know that what worked like magic for one child could have been a horrendous battle for the other child. The truth is, we are all just winging it pretty much all the time. Sure, we may get in a spell where something is working great but a change in the wind and suddenly our amazing method of parenting has to be tweaked yet again.
Just this summer I have had three different plans for Screen Time. I'm still not sure which one has worked the best or if any of them really are superior to the others. The first one was that they had to ask for it and I would approve it or not. This turned to constant begging and pleading for more time and got to be exhausting. Quickly I turned to little tokens in a jar that were automatically filled on Monday. Each token was worth 1 hour of screen time and if it was past 4pm then you could spend them. If you were out of tokens then you were done until Monday and family movie time didn't cost. This turned into my son staring down the clock all day. Ugging and grumping about how he was so bored and wished it could be 4:00. Then when 4:00 came, if we were out doing anything fun at all, including swimming or going to the zoo he would suddenly realize that he was miserable and needed to go home immediately for screen time. He would also blow through his tokens faster than his miser sister and so he would complain that he had no idea it had been three hours and he really only wanted to spend one token. So once again I became worn down and exhausted from the 4'oclock token method.
We have about 3 weeks of summer left and last week I read this article about The Sliver, and it seemed to make sense to part of my brain as a method for our family to try, plus a few weeks can't mess up my children too badly if they totally overdose themselves with screens right? Today I announced that I want to do fun things like swim and go on day trips and play outside but that the new screen time rule is unlimited screen time for the rest of the summer as long as they will stop and go do those other fun things when I decide it's time for them. I got a "YES!" and then my son quickly chugged his milk spilling it everywhere, raced to mop it up with a towel and made a mad dash for the computer. Part of me is wondering what I have done and the other is enjoying not being nagged all morning about when 4:00 will be and why time is so slow.
A glimpse of my journey in mothering and whatever else stumbles out of my head.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Friday, August 9, 2013
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Our Best
This past weekend my husband went out of town on a camping trip and left me to hold down the fort. This included a shameful first night when, after hearing a story at the park about "Honey Boo Boo" the tiara wearing toddler, Out of curiousity and half dis-belief, I made my way to YouTube.
I ended up watching an entire episode of Toddlers In Tiaras. I don't have cable and normally wouldn't watch something like that but... well...I will blame the lack of adults at home and call temporary insanity.
I thought that I would just watch a short clip and move on with my life. I couldn't though, I kept watching. Not so much like watching a train wreck, but rather watching someone wreck a train on purpose. I was trying to figure out what is going on inside the train wreckers head that makes them think this is a good idea to wreck the train. Plus, not just one train, a whole room of trains, and everyone is in agreement that the trains need to smash for the good of the train.
It would be easy for me to think that the mothers of the tiara girls are horrible parents. I have to say that my gut reaction was just that. I had that little thought in the back of my head though telling me to find the good. Because really, the mothers are going out of there way, changing the entire famililes lifestyle, sacrificing money and time because they are trying to do there best. Trying to give their child the best life they can. It just happens that the idea they have for "best possible life" is MUCH different then the idea I have.
They wouldn't understand why I won't allow my children the thrill of drinking soda and downing pixie sticks (yes, they give there children oodles of pixie sticks to show "personality.") These women would think perhaps that I am being cruel by not allowing my children unlimited screen time, but not allowing them to sign up for tons of activities. I am sure I do things very different and they might see that as bad. Maybe though, they would act better than I did and they wouldn't judge me at all.
I sat on my sofa, and a squirmed, and I dropped my jaw, and I judged, and then I remembered that I am not supposed to judge. So then I looked for the good. I found it too, deep under the insanity of a pageant. I found the hope for happiness, for a better life, for a shared dream, for a smile. It is easy to see the worst in people. I have friends who parent very differently than me, they give their children soda and spank them when they misbehave. Because I am around them in person it's easier to see the good, to see their heart. The television show is not made to help us be compassionate. The producers pick people who will shock and cause judgement, so that we will all gossip about it. It's very hard to see someones heart through edits that accentuate the worst moments. There was a small clip though, where one of the mother's doubted for a brief second what she was doing, but then she said she sees her daughter smile and knows she is doing the right thing. She wants her daughter to be happy, but that glimpse of doubt showed me her heart. Beneath the layers of our good and failed attempts at parenting lays our heart, and we all have good hearts.
These women are doing their best. We are all doing our best to love our children and give them a good life and everyone has a different picture of what that looks like. We must not judge each other though, it doesn't help anyone or change anything. I won't be watching the show again. It's too hard not to judge and really what can I gain from seeing it? Instead I will patiently await the return of Downton Abby and maybe practice my neglected banjo the next time I am bored.
I ended up watching an entire episode of Toddlers In Tiaras. I don't have cable and normally wouldn't watch something like that but... well...I will blame the lack of adults at home and call temporary insanity.
I thought that I would just watch a short clip and move on with my life. I couldn't though, I kept watching. Not so much like watching a train wreck, but rather watching someone wreck a train on purpose. I was trying to figure out what is going on inside the train wreckers head that makes them think this is a good idea to wreck the train. Plus, not just one train, a whole room of trains, and everyone is in agreement that the trains need to smash for the good of the train.
It would be easy for me to think that the mothers of the tiara girls are horrible parents. I have to say that my gut reaction was just that. I had that little thought in the back of my head though telling me to find the good. Because really, the mothers are going out of there way, changing the entire famililes lifestyle, sacrificing money and time because they are trying to do there best. Trying to give their child the best life they can. It just happens that the idea they have for "best possible life" is MUCH different then the idea I have.
They wouldn't understand why I won't allow my children the thrill of drinking soda and downing pixie sticks (yes, they give there children oodles of pixie sticks to show "personality.") These women would think perhaps that I am being cruel by not allowing my children unlimited screen time, but not allowing them to sign up for tons of activities. I am sure I do things very different and they might see that as bad. Maybe though, they would act better than I did and they wouldn't judge me at all.
I sat on my sofa, and a squirmed, and I dropped my jaw, and I judged, and then I remembered that I am not supposed to judge. So then I looked for the good. I found it too, deep under the insanity of a pageant. I found the hope for happiness, for a better life, for a shared dream, for a smile. It is easy to see the worst in people. I have friends who parent very differently than me, they give their children soda and spank them when they misbehave. Because I am around them in person it's easier to see the good, to see their heart. The television show is not made to help us be compassionate. The producers pick people who will shock and cause judgement, so that we will all gossip about it. It's very hard to see someones heart through edits that accentuate the worst moments. There was a small clip though, where one of the mother's doubted for a brief second what she was doing, but then she said she sees her daughter smile and knows she is doing the right thing. She wants her daughter to be happy, but that glimpse of doubt showed me her heart. Beneath the layers of our good and failed attempts at parenting lays our heart, and we all have good hearts.
These women are doing their best. We are all doing our best to love our children and give them a good life and everyone has a different picture of what that looks like. We must not judge each other though, it doesn't help anyone or change anything. I won't be watching the show again. It's too hard not to judge and really what can I gain from seeing it? Instead I will patiently await the return of Downton Abby and maybe practice my neglected banjo the next time I am bored.
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