Our Best

This past weekend my husband went out of town on a camping trip and left me to hold down the fort.  This included a shameful first night when, after hearing a story at the park about "Honey Boo Boo" the tiara wearing toddler,  Out of curiousity and half dis-belief, I made my way to YouTube.
I ended up watching an entire episode of Toddlers In Tiaras.  I don't have cable and normally wouldn't watch something like that but... well...I will blame the lack of adults at home and call temporary insanity.

I thought that I would just watch a short clip and move on with my life.  I couldn't though, I kept watching.  Not so much like watching a train wreck, but rather watching someone wreck a train on purpose. I was trying to figure out what is going on inside the train wreckers head that makes them think this is a good idea to wreck the train.  Plus, not just one train, a whole room of trains, and everyone is in agreement that the trains need to smash for the good of the train.

It would be easy for me to think that the mothers of the tiara girls are horrible parents.  I have to say that my gut reaction was just that.  I had that little thought in the back of my head though telling me to find the good.  Because really, the mothers are going out of there way, changing the entire famililes lifestyle, sacrificing money and time because they are trying to do there best.  Trying to give their child the best life they can.  It just happens that the idea they have for "best possible life" is MUCH different then the idea I have.
They wouldn't understand why I won't allow my children the thrill of drinking soda and downing pixie sticks (yes, they give there children oodles of pixie sticks to show "personality.")  These women would think perhaps that I am being cruel by not allowing my children unlimited screen time, but not allowing them to sign up for tons of activities.  I am sure I do things very different and they might see that as bad.  Maybe though, they would act better than I did and they wouldn't judge me at all.

I sat on my sofa, and a squirmed, and I dropped my jaw, and I judged, and then I remembered that I am not supposed to judge.  So then I looked for the good.  I found it too, deep under the insanity of a pageant.  I found the hope for happiness, for a better life, for a shared dream, for a smile. It is easy to see the worst in people.  I have friends who parent very differently than me, they give their children soda and spank them when they misbehave.  Because I am around them in person it's easier to see the good, to see their heart.  The television show is not made to help us be compassionate.  The producers pick people who will shock and cause judgement, so that we will all gossip about it.  It's very hard to see someones heart through edits that accentuate the worst moments.  There was a small clip though, where one of the mother's doubted for a brief second what she was doing, but then she said she sees her daughter smile and knows she is doing the right thing.  She wants her daughter to be happy, but that glimpse of doubt showed me her heart.  Beneath the layers of our good and failed attempts at parenting lays our heart, and we all have good hearts. 

These women are doing their best.  We are all doing our best to love our children and give them a good life and everyone has a different picture of what that looks like.  We must not judge each other though, it doesn't help anyone or change anything. I won't be watching the show again.  It's too hard not to judge and really what can I gain from seeing it?  Instead I will patiently await the return of Downton Abby and maybe practice my neglected banjo the next time I am bored.