Unknowing Teacher

We are all here to teach each other something.  Each one of us has a lesson (many lessons probably) that we will teach others, unknowingly just by being ourselves.  Watching my children this morning reminded me of that.  My children are opposites, a girl and a boy, a sensory sensitive, and a sensory seeker, introvert, extrovert. This is not by accident.  They have been placed with each other, in our family for a very clear purpose (if you ask me, and since it's my blog ...)  They are preparing each other for the world, so that when they step away from the safety of our family they will be ready for those who are different than them, and be able to show them love, even if they don't understand them. 

I tell my children, that they must love each other.  They do not have to like each other at times, but they must always LOVE one another, no matter what.  Also, they have to love everyone else, but it all starts at home, loving each other despite the fact that they are each others biggest challenges most of the time.  

So today, the lesson was being close to people.  My daughter craves personal space and becomes overwhelmed and exhausted and sometimes even in pain when people are too close to her.  A tiny bump feels like a great assult.  In life, we sometimes must be in a crowd, and people are clumsy and bump into you.  So, in her home is the younger brother who's body doesn't feel as much (hyposensitive) so he craves bumping into people, and squishing into them, and being as close and in your face as possible.  According to her he was bumping more than usual and really getting in her face.  She gave me this complaint as "Mom, he is doing that thing AGAIN, a lot more than normal."  I reminded her that he has a reason for doing "that thing" and that I would remind him to tone it down.  "Just as you need space, he needs closeness, you both need to work on a balance."  The speech I have given one thousand times, but they are both starting to be more gentle with each other when it is a problem.

 From each other they are learning tolerance and awareness.  My daughter is learning to tolerate some of her brother's need for contact, and my son is learning to be aware and respectful of her need for space.    He is helping her be able to stand in a crowded room and she is helping him no how to hold back so he doesn't overwhelm everyone he meets.  They both struggle to give each other the things they need and also protect what they need.  It's a dance, a delicate dance that I am so happy they are learning as children.
 
I had to learn this as a married adult living with a introvert much like my daughter, it took me years and sometimes I fall backwards and overload my husband.  Sometimes I forget to push him just a little and feel depleted of the closeness that I crave.  My husband and I learn from each other, just as our children learn from each other.  The way we are as individuals and the fact that we are a family this is not at all by mistake, and we shouldn't give up on people just because they make us uncomfortable. We need to see those different then us as teachers here to help us grow into the people we were meant to be.  Some of their lessons will be easy and some of them might shake us, but the more we show up and try the better we will become.