Bicycles and Swimming Pools

I live in a city that bikes. We have bike lanes, bike paths, and more bike stores than I can count.   Kids learn to ride almost as soon as they can stand up.  Families go on bike rides to the store, around the town, or by the river.  There are recumbent bikes where the rider sits back in a chair sort of thing, double tall bikes, unicycle riders (I am not kidding.)   It's like a bike circus out there on the streets of our town.  I am happy to say that my children can finally join the circus.

 I now have two bicycle riding kids in my house and while this may not seem like a big deal, or maybe it's coming across as braggy... I'm just really happy.  See, for the average kid who isn't dealing with sensory processing stuff and an awkward body that won't do what you want, riding a bike isn't a big deal.  You can maybe even master it when you are five.   For my kids it's a huge deal and I actually wondered several times over the past years if our family would ever be able to go on a bike ride together.  Maybe if we lived somewhere else it wouldn't be a big deal but there was always a peddling toddler whizzing by me at the park to remind me of what my kids were missing out on.  The fun of that foot powered machine and the breeze zipping across your face.  

When I was a kid I loved my bike.  I would ride it back and forth in a huge field in upstate NY and do tricks.  I watched PeeWees Big Adventure way too many times and made my parents call me PeeWeece when I would ride my bike.  NO HANDS! STANDING UP! ONE LEG OUT!   I was pretty awesome (super dorky.)  The point is, that bike brought me joy.  I lived far from other kids but I could spend my day happily speeding along without need of friends because I had my wheels.   It's kind of sad to me that kids who are socially awkward have to be bicycle awkward too.  I know they have lots of other things that bring them joy but I am happy that now my kids have bikes too.  

I taught them using a method I saw on YouTube that I would like to share.  It's very repetitive and although my girl went through every step (last year) my son this year would skip ahead on his own and I let him.  They know how many times they need to do each step so let them break the "rule" if they want.

Our next hope is for swimming... if anyone has tips for that please share.  We have tried lessons many times and almost had it but an incident happened and confidence was lost.   My plan is to hang out at the pool a lot and build that back up but I would be happy to hear if anything worked for you or your child.  

I'm hunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngry

What if a mother decided  not to buy any processed snack food for the entire summer?  Would there be a riot? Would the children starve? Would the kids run around licking trashed Dorito bags from the dumpster? That is exactly what I did and what I am going to discover the answer to by September.

I had this thought, I live in Oregon, the best place on earth for getting fresh fruit and berries and veggies all summer long.  Why in the world am I feeding my kids processed carbs all day long?   I buy the organic "healthy" snacks.  However sugar and flour is still sugar and flour even if it's organic fair trade.

Next came my crazy idea, what if I just didn't buy it?  So I presented it to my husband and he also thought it was a good idea.  So now, this is what our pantry and kitchen has for snacks:
 (keep in mind we have been doing this for two weeks, we shall see if we make it till summer. I am hopeful.)

Every week we will go to the farm to pick out fruit and berries. I will also buy veggies and hope that the kids are starving enough to want them.  We will gather what we can from the land and our yard.

If we feel like it's time for a treat we will make it ourselves.  Today the kids helped me bake sandwich bread (with the bread machine) and donuts.  Did you know there is such thing as a donut pan?  I do now! Yumm.

If we need a non fruit/veggie snack we will make popcorn or have sunflower seeds or nuts.

Somehow we still have to get corn chips for Husbands salsa because he thought it absurd that he give that up.   I suggested he make them.... he looked at me like I'm crazy.   It's true, I am.

Countdown to Summer!

 Some parents are dreading the upcoming day when the school will no longer take their children from 8:30-2:45 each weekday.  They wake in a sweat at the impending doom of boredom and chaos. After that last bell rings it will begin. For weeks on end the children will tear through the house trashing it like little bandits and then demanding that you help them find their prized toy in the rubble.

    Call me crazy but I am looking forward to it.   It could be partly because each day my son moans and groans and protests the schools required attendance.  It could be because I dislike driving and my daily trek takes me 20 minutes across town each way.  Mostly though, it's because I love boredom and chaos.  It's the place where inventions are made, joy is found, and  people grow.

Without schedules and time we tend to squirm and get nervous. (Well, not me...but most people)   Next thing you know the kids are saying the B word (b as in bored, hopefully not the other one) and while it may make you want to scream, especially when it comes after "Mooooooooooooooom I'm sooooooo..."  I like to reply, "That is fantastic!"  People think of wonderful things when they are bored.  It means you have nothing stopping you from dreaming, no time line, no racing off to the next activity.  You can just sit, and think, and imagine!  It's really the best thing for a kid.   Now, they still groan and look at me like I have three heads when I say "fantastic," but when I walk away I usually find them engaged in something by the time I'm back in the room.
If I get several of the "I'm bored" comments then I start listing off housework.  That gets rid of them pretty fast!

This summer my plan is to not have a plan.  My kids do like schedules and I'm going to suggest they make their own schedule if comforts them to do so.  I'm just gonna roll with it.  My daughter is taking two short camps through our local ASD support place but other than that it's all water fights and deep sea adventures on the hammock at my house.  Blissful chaos!

Personally I hope to get a bit of reading in and drink a lot of iced coffee.  Iced coffee and reading really is the best thing to do for the summer.  Theme parks and long vacations are way overrated.  Plus, that was last summer... this one is the summer of boredom and I can't wait!

Be Still

"Be still and know..."  I can know, I do know.  I believe with my entire everything that God is God and He is in charge.  However, being still is really very difficult and the longer that I must do it the harder that it becomes.
I live in a society that is go go go! do do do!  It's only alright to be still in yoga for 45 minutes, three days a week and then it's time to multitask again.  Being still doesn't come natural to me anymore.
When I was a child I was fantastic at being still.  I mean, maybe I wiggled around a bit but I remember that my favorite place on earth was just sitting on a gigantic moss covered boulder and simply being still.  I didn't worry, I never tried to figure out plans or life or even what to do next.  I just sat there and enjoyed sitting.
Now I am a grownup and I feel an obligation to worry and plan and make things happen but I am pretty sure that I've got it all wrong and I was way better off sitting on my rock.

 "Then he said, "I tell all of you with certainty, unless you change and become like little children, you will never get into the kingdom from heaven." Matt 18:3

See, I had it all right to begin with and now I've gone and tried to be in charge of things and driven myself to having shoulders up to my ears and spending hours on the internet looking at cities and schools and houses for a move to somewhere that may never even happen.  It was set up to be so easy.  Let go and let God.   I see that little saying and I know that is what I want to do.  Then I go to my browser and open up craigslist house ads and obsess.  What is that drive in us to make things happen?  Sometimes even trying to force things to happen.  I also used to spend hours on adoption websites looking at children and imagining them fitting into my family.  I would get very emotional and stressed from this as well.  So badly wanting to make things happen but having it out of my control to do so.  (Husband isn't ready for our family to grow yet.)

My husband will be ending his work contract this week and I'm not fearing running out of money or becoming homeless.  I know God will provide something or if we run out of money and a home then we will have a new experience and learn something amazing. I love homeless people, maybe God wants me to love them even more?   Fear isn't driving me to search wildly on the internet for answers.  So what is it?  Why do I search?  I also search the pages of my bible and sometimes I get clarity but mostly I just get my mind off the situation.   Maybe that right there is the answer.  Don't think about it.  Be still.  A still mind that waits for something to move it instead of vibrating all around hoping something  will react to my vibrations and erupt into an answer.  I don't have conclusions, maybe that is the point of this post.  I'm simply acknowledging that I need to be still.  It won't be easy, but perhaps I can seek out a mossy boulder to rest on for awhile while I wait.   

Play in the street

Yesterday it was beautiful.  The sun was shining (winter in Oregon/rarity) and the flowers were popping up.  The weeds were popping up too and last summer I did an overhaul to take back the front yard.  I knew this was the time for waging war on the grass creeping in to my herb garden.

My children were also inspired by the presence of sunshine and dusted off bike helmets, scooters and bicycles. " Mom, can we go for a ride? Come on mom lets go".  But the yard was waiting, and the time of sun was fleeting.  Childhood is fleeting I told myself and started to take off my garden gloves and come along.  Something stopped me.  Maybe it was a distant memory of roaming my grandparents subdivision as a child.  That faint recollection of the thrill of independence and adventure.

"You can go without me"

I almost couldn't believe I said it, but at the same time I knew it was right.
My ever cautious daughter was certain I was kidding and it actually took some convincing that she and her brother would be just fine without me.  (My insides squirmed as I offered encouraging words to let her know they were ready and it would be ok.)  The truth is, I didn't know they would be ok. I don't know if my mother worried about me in the same way that I did yesterday.  Media has this whole "the world is dangerous, don't blink near your kids or they will be snatched or murdered" thing going so strong that even when I don't believe it, in the back of my head I totally believe it.  At the same time I know that this is good for kids, this taste of independence, this taste of trust. It builds them up.  Maybe they have to problem solve a bit without me, but that is what I want right?

It also wasn't as if I let them go wherever they wanted to, not yet, I am still not letting go too far.  I walked down the side street next to our home.  I went over the parameters they were free to roam, instructions on if someone gets hurt, and I was in the front yard.  If somebody yelled I would have heard it.
Then I went back and weeded, and worried,I prayed for protection and that I wasn't being an idiot by telling them to go.  I was also angry that I was worried.  I was worried what other parents would think of me.  I was worried that I made a horrible mistake and they would be hit by a car. (Sunday afternoon, families playing ball in the street, side street.)  

I grew up playing in the forest full of freedom, visiting my grandparents and being gone for hours.  Does anyone do that anymore?  Do all the children just stay tethered to parents and home?   These are questions that bounce in my brain.
 The biggest of my questions is, will I always have that whisper of worry and fear every time I let them out of adult supervision?  This is one I will be exploring and I will let you know how it turns out because even though it scares me I know it's so valuable for my kids.

Getting it ALL wrong

What if all the instincts and impulses that you had inside of you were considered socially unacceptable. Now imagine that your mind and body didn't yet have enough self control to stop you from doing them. Your neurotransmitters just couldn't send things fast enough to tell yourself to stop.   Everywhere you went people would tell you that you were doing it wrong. " Nope, not that way."  "Oh careful, not that." "SLOW DOWN!"  "Oooh you messed up AGAIN!"
 
How long would it be until you broke.  How many times could you hear your name in THAT tone of voice that says "you screwed up!"  before you either stopped caring or just lost your joy all together?   I fear for my little guy that we are dangerously close to this place, if not already arriving.  I have been witnessing the joy dwindle from him, first in small amounts, and now in a way that seems at times like despair has set in.

  Last week I  talked with his teacher (who is amazing and wonderfully gentle in his corrections.) I got  advice from the school counselor after having her meet with him (because when your son no longer wants to play with his Legos, you take it serious.)  Things that were suggested included a light box since we live in the northwest and the sun doesn't like to be around this time of year. Maybe a session or two with a play therapist?   It was suggested that maybe this was a stage and it would blow over.   I hoped for the latter, and we turned on our Happy Light at breakfast time for a few days.  Then I did some thinking and I tried to put myself in his shoes.  That is what the first paragraph was all about.   Constantly doing the wrong thing, not planning to do the wrong thing, not wanting to do the wrong thing.  (this kid sits and draws during choice time so he won't unknowingly do the wrong thing and get into trouble.)  It has to be crushing for him and I think his new sullen attitude is a product of this.

I googled "play therapist" to see if we had one in the area.  Then I thought about play.  I got a random idea and this is what we are trying, and I think I am seeing results of a happier kid. Long term I am not sure this is going to work but I'm taking it a day at a time.  The plan is:  Short burst of one-on-one time with my son (husband is doing this with him too) where we have fun and no matter what he does, we don't correct him.  It's a time when he can do no wrong, we just play and have fun.  He wrestles me to the ground, or we play a board game, or whatever, but NOTHING he can do gets him a correction or even a scowl for the duration of that playtime.  (My goal is 30 minutes)  The rest of life goes on as it did before except that window of fun.  

My hope is that those times will bring his joy back and we can keep working on ways he can help himself be successful at self control so that he won't have to hear as many corrections.  He wants to follow the rules, that is obvious to me, but his little body and mind are just too full of Tigger to make it happen.

 However, I kinda think that the hundred acre woods weren't as fun until Tigger moved in.
(perhaps we need to move to the woods and homeschool?)

Peace that passes understanding

Almost a year ago I found my escape world.  A place where I could go to grow stronger, and work so very hard that my body would quake like a California fault line and my mind would stop jumping and racing and simply focus on not falling over or collapsing.  It was the ballet that I loved as a child, the yoga that I found relaxation in as a collage student, and the pilates that I knew my 2 times pregnant tummy needed. Sometimes it is a place of prayer, it started with a very serious "please Lord don't let me pass out or fall over." and overtime it became deeper than that.  

     Barre3 is the place I can go where I don't feel guilty for escaping, and despite the insanely hard work, it is a break from my busy mom reality and it keeps me calm.   Recently I have been thinking more about what my children need to keep calm.  What space can we create? What things would help them reach that place.
I created a soothing sensory zone under my sons loft bed. After a trip with my Mom to the magic land of IKEA I ended up with a duvet cover and a ton of pillows to fill it with.  We decked it out with white Christmas lights overhead and more and more pillows.  Both the kids use the space (individually) when they need to find the calm.  Usually they bring a comic book in with them for the ultimate happy place.

     What else though? I'm sure that isn't enough.  How can they find peace at school? On a car ride? At a friends house?   It's great to have a physical space, or an activity that we do that brings us peace but what we really all need is to have that peace inside us.  A place we can go without leaving the room.  Sometimes I feel like I can do that.  I can take that deep breath and have that peace. People comment on it sometimes, how I am so peaceful and calm.  It's true that I am filled with a calm spirit but it's not my own.  I am happy to have it there in me.  Sometimes I have trouble finding it there when it's really crazy.  I want to show my kids how to find it when life is overwhelming (when isn't life overwhelming?)

  I think the trick might be as simple as acknowledging that that calm spirit is within you.  It may not be you, your life may not be calm at all, but that spirit, it's there breathing slowly and just waiting for you to welcome it. Your busy life and jumpy mind may push it away again, brush it off for another time, but there it is always, patient (of course) waiting for you.  

     I'm not sure I can teach my children this, telling them about it just isn't enough.  I can model it but I think they will have to seek it out, make their own discoveries of what dwells within them.  Until they find it I can provide a squishy soft lit place under the loft for them to read.