Sometimes beauty, sometimes a punch in the face.

Some days there are beautiful moments where I am totally amazed and in awe of how my daughter perceives the world.  Like when she plays the piano and tells me that the song is purple with streaks of yellow and tastes like cherries.  (She has synesthesia a trait some aspies have.)  Sounds have color and also tastes.  I mean, can you imagine tasting your favorite song and having a color show to go along with?  It has to be incredible.
 
Then there are the moments where Aspergers punches me right in the face.  Tonight was one of those moments.  
It was bedtime, the routine is well known:
Vitamins
Pajamas
Brush Teeth ... wait, we didn't get there yet...back up

Brother is in the doorway, Sister wants to shut the door so that the cat doesn't eat the fish that are swimming merrily in the protection of the bedroom.  Sister shoves brother out of the way, maybe it was a gentle push, it doesn't matter.  Brother hits his back on the door frame and falls over crying.  Brother rarely cries, he is hypo-sensitive and doesn't feel pain like a typical kid.  He is hurting for sure.  Sister says sorry in a very brisk manner and head to the bathroom making funny sounds with her mouth as happy as a clam. 
This is not yet the part where I get punched in the face. 
Maybe she doesn't know he is hurt?  Maybe she didn't hear him crying? 

Me: "Your brother is crying."
Her: "I didn't mean to knock him over and I said I was sorry."
Meanwhile Brother is very upset and glaring at her, clearly feeling the lack of empathy.
Me: "Please look at your brother's face and say you are sorry and give him a hug."
Her: "sorry."  A quick flash of eye contact, a very plain, quick sorry, a fleeting hug with barely any closeness, followed by immediate whistling and back brushing her teeth.  After all, that is the next step of the routine.

****PUNCH IN THE FACE*****
Seeing my son hurting and bewildered by why she isn't rushing over and loving on him is the worst pain for me.  He is too young to understand why she does this. 

I can't fix it, I can train her like some sort of puppy to behave right but that instinct just isn't there and it kills me.